My first prayer book was a used Book of Common Prayer of the Protestant Episcopal Church in the United States of America which was ratified in 1789, certified in 1945 and given by a priest to a student in church school for perfect attendance in 1953. I found it in a used bookstore down the street from where I worked in the late 1980s. I still have it and use it occasionally. Many of the prayers are in King James English but I was amazed at how a lot of the prayers expressed what I was feeling, what was on my heart, but for which I had no words of my own. And there were prayers and Scripture readings for every Sunday, Morning and Evening prayers, prayers for various occasions and for different groups of people. I was also made aware of things I could pray for that I hadn't considered bringing to the Lord before.
My prayer life still wasn't very consistent but it was better than before as I used the prayer book periodically. I didn't memorize any of the prayers except the Lord's Prayer.
Also about that time, fear was really crippling me and I had an experience with Jesus speaking to me as I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom in the middle of the night feeling like I couldn't face the possibly of the many years stretching out before me in the line of work I was doing. I felt alone and like no one knew how I felt. Then Jesus spoke to me and told me that He knew how I felt and He reminded me of the great anguish He felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. I realized then that I was not alone and that Jesus really did know how I felt. I gained the courage and hope to continue on. And I am still in that line of work to this day.
I also had a dream that I was supposed to look for a church with physical worship (kneeling, genuflecting, signs of the cross, etc.) and bishops. The need for bishops was revealed to me. So I started heading in a liturgical direction mainly interiorly and through reading up on the various churches.
Next I will write about the Jesus Prayer.
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