Prayers in song - John Michael Talbot - For Christ also suffered for sins once ... that he might lead you to God. 1 Peter 3:18

Now in one sense, I had always known that hymns and songs were prayers.  Especially when they were addressed to one or more members of the Holy Trinity.  Indeed some of my times of feeling closest to God were when I was singing hymns and spiritual songs.  The Apostle Paul mentions this aspect twice in his epistles in Ephesians 5,

^"18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but be filled with the Spirit, ¹⁹ addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, ²⁰ always and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father."  (Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition)

and again in Colossians 3,

^"15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as you teach and admonish one another in all wisdom, and as you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."  (Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition)

Notice that the Apostle Paul mentions this singing as ways to be filled with the Spirit and to have the peace of Christ rule in our hearts.

When it came to thanksgiving and adoration and praise to God I definitely needed help as I am pretty unimaginative in those areas when drawing upon my own limited resources.  I tend to be a "cup is half empty" kind of a guy.  I have also tended to assume that God was not very interested and involved in my life even though I intellectually/theologically/biblically knew better.

I had a great thirst for God to experience a deeper relationship with Him but I didn't have words to express it.  But coming into contact with John Michael Talbot, his music and his community, the Brothers and Sisters of Charity (Love) started changing that.  Many of his songs are actually ancient prayers put to music that are deeply personal and speak to God of our longings for Him.  One of them is the Anima Christi (Soul of Christ).  It is one of the prayers Catholics pray privately after receiving Holy Communion in the Mass.  It is as follows.

Soul of Christ, sanctify me.
Body of Christ, save me.
Blood of Christ, inebriate me.
Water from the side of Christ, wash me.
Passion of Christ, strengthen me.
O Good Jesus, hear me.
Within Thy wounds hide me.
Suffer me not to be separated from thee.
From the malignant enemy defend me.
In the hour of my death call me.
And bid me come unto Thee,
That with all Thy saints,
I may praise thee
Forever and ever.
Amen.

John Michael Talbot's arrangement of this prayer is absolutely beautiful and I would sing it along with his CD, The Hiding Place.  There are other great prayers on that CD.

I also found the forum and chat room the Brothers and Sisters of Charity were operating at the time and participated in those.  I asked for the community to pray for me when I was suffering from ulcerative colitis and was in pain.

They answered me with a beautiful prayer that was just what my heart was longing for.  They prayed for my healing but they also prayed that if it was not God's will to heal me at that time that God would use my suffering redemptively in my life and the lives of those around me.  I began to think of my pain as a physical expression of my longing for Jesus and that made it easier to bear.

I also started watching EWTN, the Catholic Eternal Word Television Network.  I came across the Chaplet of Divine Mercy in Song early on Saturday mornings.  It is a video of the Chaplet being sung/prayed in a church by a trio and congregation.  It was so beautiful and really conveyed the love and mercy of Jesus to my heart.

The chaplet was part of a revelation of His mercy that Jesus gave to a poor Polish nun, Sister Faustina, in the early 1900s.  She was recently made a saint, Saint Faustina, by Pope John Paul II in the year 2000.

Next I will write about what I learned about prayer in the Catechism and how Jesus thirsts for us.

May God, our Father, and Jesus Christ, His Son, and the Holy Spirit draw each one of you deeper into the love that they have for you.

The Jesus Prayer - For Christ also suffered for sins once ... that he might lead you to God. 1 Peter 3:18

The Episcopal/Anglican prayer books helped give structure and added substance to my prayers but they didn't keep me in prayer long enough to really go deep with God.  And so I kept searching and began to read about and look into Eastern Orthodox Christianity and spirituality.  It was there that I encountered the Jesus Prayer which goes, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner."  It is basically the tax collector's prayer recorded in the Gospels but addressed to Jesus.  And Jesus said of the tax collector in Luke 18, "¹⁴ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for every one who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.” (RSVCE)

It was a short prayer, easily memorized and it gave me hope.  As the Apostle Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:15, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners." (NABRE)   And the writer of Hebrews says in Chapter 4,
^"14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. ¹⁵ For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sinning. ¹⁶ Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (RSVCE)

And I was glad I learned it because I had a period of time that lasted a few months where I could not focus on the Scriptures, the Accuser was assailing me, my fear was crippling and words for prayer fled me except for the Jesus Prayer which I had memorized.  I repeated it over and over until each onslaught passed.

One fear that used to trouble me a lot was the fear of death, particularly if I was far from home or in a big city.  I was afraid I would have heart attack and die alone at the side of the road in my car.  And I would have panic attacks which felt like heart attacks.  I came up with a prayer of my own for those times.  "Lord Jesus, I belong to you so whether I live or die, I will be okay."  And it worked.  The fear would almost always disappear.

Eventually, I was led to start checking out the Catholic Church through the prayers set to music by John Michael Talbot and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy in song.  I will write about those next.

  

Beginning to pray using prayer books - For Christ also suffered for sins once ... that he might lead you to God. 1 Peter 3:18

My first prayer book was a used Book of Common Prayer of the Protestant Episcopal Church in the United States of America which was ratified in 1789, certified in 1945 and given by a priest to a student in church school for perfect attendance in 1953.  I found it in a used bookstore down the street from where I worked in the late 1980s.  I still have it and use it occasionally.  Many of the prayers are in King James English but I was amazed at how a lot of the prayers expressed what I was feeling, what was on my heart, but for which I had no words of my own.  And there were prayers and Scripture readings for every Sunday, Morning and Evening prayers, prayers for various occasions and for different groups of people.  I was also made aware of things I could pray for that I hadn't considered bringing to the Lord before.

My prayer life still wasn't very consistent but it was better than before as I used the prayer book periodically.  I didn't memorize any of the prayers except the Lord's Prayer.

Also about that time, fear was really crippling me and I had an experience with Jesus speaking to me as I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom in the middle of the night feeling like I couldn't face the possibly of the many years stretching out before me in the line of work I was doing.  I felt alone and like no one knew how I felt.  Then Jesus spoke to me and told me that He knew how I felt and He reminded me of the great anguish He felt in the Garden of Gethsemane.  I realized then that I was not alone and that Jesus really did know how I felt.  I gained the courage and hope to continue on.  And I am still in that line of work to this day.

I also had a dream that I was supposed to look for a church with physical worship (kneeling, genuflecting, signs of the cross, etc.) and bishops.  The need for bishops was revealed to me.  So I started heading in a liturgical direction mainly interiorly and through reading up on the various churches.

Next I will write about the Jesus Prayer.