This post was my reply to a thread in the forum I participate in.
I wasn’t going to add anything but then you shared that you wrestle with the fear of failure. I have wrestled with that monster since I was little. It has caused me to leave things undone that I ought to have done. I was led into all kinds of sin in trying to come up with distractions to take away the fear, at least for a time. I have been tempted to commit suicide twice in my life because of the despair caused by fear of failure.
On top of that, I pursued a career in accounting where you are constantly evaluated by being audited and monitored. And there are penalties for failure to be diligent, meet deadlines and ensure compliance with all kinds of regulations.
I knew I needed to go deep with God in prayer but I seemed helpless to develop a deep, consistent prayer life as an evangelical Protestant. And it was that need and desperation that God used to bring me to the Catholic Church. I also discovered the truth of the Catholic Church along the way but that was secondary. The primary was to find a pathway to the heart of God or die. The chorus to the praise song, Breathe, “I am desperate for You. I’m lost without You.” was the theme song of my life experience.
And I have found that pathway in the Catholic Church. Jesus led me home to where He is in abundance. Through the written prayers, the Sacraments, the liturgy, the incarnational theology, the suffering theology and the sacramentals.
The fear of failure still knocks on the door of my heart but my heart is becoming filled with Jesus through all the means of grace available to me through the Catholic Church. There is no room at the inn of my heart for fear to take up residence.
Thanks be to God.
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