What I learned about friendship while meditating on the anguish of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Jesus knew the cruel ordeal he was about to face.  Rejection, murderous rage, flogging, beatings, gleeful ridicule, mocking, searing pain, brutal labor and lingering, agonizing death and on top of it all becoming sin for us and nailing our sins to the cross.  So Jesus goes to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray about it and takes his three closest disciples with him (Peter, James and John).  It is apparent from the accounts in Matthew, Mark and Luke that Jesus desired them to join him in his prayer vigil, to keep watch with him and pray.  Jesus was very troubled, in anguish, sorrow, anxiety, literally in "agonia".  Luke records that Jesus sweat great drops like blood.  The writer of Hebrews in chapter 5, verse 7, was probably alluding to this time when he says, "...Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death..." (RSVCE)

And what were Peter, James and John doing?  Sleeping.  Luke does add that it was for or because of sorrow.  They were worn out.  I'm sure they wanted to participate in the vigil but they couldn't, they didn't have it in them.  And to make matters worse fear gets the best of them and they all flee when Jesus is arrested and Peter ends up denying he even knows Jesus three times.

And so as I was meditating on this, the thought came to me.  And how did Jesus respond after these colossal failures on their parts?  He didn't give up on them, he forgave them, he poured out the Holy Spirit on them and he entrusted his church to them.  They were still his friends.

Now he already knew they were going to fail him in the time of his greatest need because he told them they would over their denials.  In other words, he had realistic expectations.  And yet, his realistic expectations didn't mean that he didn't share with them and give them the opportunity to come through for him.  He invited them to keep watch with him.  Nor did it mean that their failure didn't hurt Jesus.  Because he chides them saying, "Could you not watch with me for one hour?" and "Why are you sleeping?".

Often we have unrealistic expectations of our spouses, our children, our families, our friends, our co-workers, our leaders and people in general.  And we over-estimate our own faithfulness and strength.  And so we tend to either write people off when they fail us or we never give them the opportunity to disappoint us by keeping them at a distance and not even inviting them to keep watch with us.  We often expect people to be God for us.  Jesus didn't and doesn't do that.  He has realistic expectations, he still gives us new opportunities to join him and keep watch and he is still our friend, brother, Lord and Savior.  And he knows how we feel.  And his Father is still there for him and for us.

May Jesus help us to be like him.