The Episcopal/Anglican prayer books helped give structure and added substance to my prayers but they didn't keep me in prayer long enough to really go deep with God. And so I kept searching and began to read about and look into Eastern Orthodox Christianity and spirituality. It was there that I encountered the Jesus Prayer which goes, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." It is basically the tax collector's prayer recorded in the Gospels but addressed to Jesus. And Jesus said of the tax collector in Luke 18, "14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for every one who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.” (RSVCE)
It was a short prayer, easily memorized and it gave me hope. As the Apostle Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:15, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners." (NABRE) And the writer of Hebrews says in Chapter 4,
"14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sinning. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (RSVCE)
And I was glad I learned it because I had a period of time that lasted a few months where I could not focus on the Scriptures, the Accuser was assailing me, my fear was crippling and words for prayer fled me except for the Jesus Prayer which I had memorized. I repeated it over and over until each onslaught passed.
One fear that used to trouble me a lot was the fear of death, particularly if I was far from home or in a big city. I was afraid I would have heart attack and die alone at the side of the road in my car. And I would have panic attacks which felt like heart attacks. I came up with a prayer of my own for those times. "Lord Jesus, I belong to you so whether I live or die, I will be okay." And it worked. The fear would almost always disappear.
Eventually, I was led to start checking out the Catholic Church through the prayers set to music by John Michael Talbot and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy in song. I will write about those next.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Beginning to pray using prayer books - For Christ also suffered for sins once ... that he might lead you to God. 1 Peter 3:18
My first prayer book was a used Book of Common Prayer of the Protestant Episcopal Church in the United States of America which was ratified in 1789, certified in 1945 and given by a priest to a student in church school for perfect attendance in 1953. I found it in a used bookstore down the street from where I worked in the late 1980s. I still have it and use it occasionally. Many of the prayers are in King James English but I was amazed at how a lot of the prayers expressed what I was feeling, what was on my heart, but for which I had no words of my own. And there were prayers and Scripture readings for every Sunday, Morning and Evening prayers, prayers for various occasions and for different groups of people. I was also made aware of things I could pray for that I hadn't considered bringing to the Lord before.
My prayer life still wasn't very consistent but it was better than before as I used the prayer book periodically. I didn't memorize any of the prayers except the Lord's Prayer.
Also about that time, fear was really crippling me and I had an experience with Jesus speaking to me as I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom in the middle of the night feeling like I couldn't face the possibly of the many years stretching out before me in the line of work I was doing. I felt alone and like no one knew how I felt. Then Jesus spoke to me and told me that He knew how I felt and He reminded me of the great anguish He felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. I realized then that I was not alone and that Jesus really did know how I felt. I gained the courage and hope to continue on. And I am still in that line of work to this day.
I also had a dream that I was supposed to look for a church with physical worship (kneeling, genuflecting, signs of the cross, etc.) and bishops. The need for bishops was revealed to me. So I started heading in a liturgical direction mainly interiorly and through reading up on the various churches.
Next I will write about the Jesus Prayer.
My prayer life still wasn't very consistent but it was better than before as I used the prayer book periodically. I didn't memorize any of the prayers except the Lord's Prayer.
Also about that time, fear was really crippling me and I had an experience with Jesus speaking to me as I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom in the middle of the night feeling like I couldn't face the possibly of the many years stretching out before me in the line of work I was doing. I felt alone and like no one knew how I felt. Then Jesus spoke to me and told me that He knew how I felt and He reminded me of the great anguish He felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. I realized then that I was not alone and that Jesus really did know how I felt. I gained the courage and hope to continue on. And I am still in that line of work to this day.
I also had a dream that I was supposed to look for a church with physical worship (kneeling, genuflecting, signs of the cross, etc.) and bishops. The need for bishops was revealed to me. So I started heading in a liturgical direction mainly interiorly and through reading up on the various churches.
Next I will write about the Jesus Prayer.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
What written/memorized prayer can do - For Christ also suffered for sins once ... that he might lead you to God. 1 Peter 3:18
As I sought to learn how to pray I found I had 5 main obstacles to prayer. They were as follows.
1) Too narrow a definition and understanding of prayer.
2) Distractions which caused my mind to wander from prayer.
3) Temptations which I turned to instead of God in prayer.
4) Satan's paralyzing attacks of intimidation, accusation and projections and the resulting anxiety.
5) My scrambled, disconnected interior life or soul - I had disconnected from my emotions so I was unable to discern what was going on within. Hence it was hard to open up and find words for what I was feeling and why.
I didn't know about all of these obstacles to start with but have become aware of them over time as God revealed them to me through various Christian traditions and my brothers and my sisters in Christ past and present who were much more advanced in the way of prayer than me.
Anyway I am going to give you a summarized conclusion and then write about some of the milestones/Aha! moments along the way in my journey. By the way I have experiences with God more often now but my relationship with God is not dependent on them. They are gifts of grace for which I am thankful but I don't try to cling to them because I have the Giver who is always present with me. However, I may not feel that presence. But it doesn't matter because I know the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit are here.
Basically, it has been the written/memorized prayers that have revolutionized my prayer life and that God is using to address all of the obstacles above.
Have I arrived? No, definitely not. As the old saying goes, the more you know, the more you know you don't know.
Do I still pray in my own words? Yes, in fact, I can pray much more easily and effectively now because the written/memorized prayers keep me in touch with God long enough to work out my internal knots and they prime the pump so to speak. And actually, I don't think of them as the words of others. They have become my words and they often express what is going on inside, what I am feeling, my hopes, my fears, my aspirations and so on much better than my own words and more in line with God's will.
What about intercessory prayers for others? You all are getting prayed for much more than you used to.
And best of all, God has become more of a present living reality to me and in my life and less of an abstraction.
So if this sounds interesting to you, stay tuned...
Did you know that Jesus thirsts for you and that God desires our prayer times with Him much more than we do?
1) Too narrow a definition and understanding of prayer.
2) Distractions which caused my mind to wander from prayer.
3) Temptations which I turned to instead of God in prayer.
4) Satan's paralyzing attacks of intimidation, accusation and projections and the resulting anxiety.
5) My scrambled, disconnected interior life or soul - I had disconnected from my emotions so I was unable to discern what was going on within. Hence it was hard to open up and find words for what I was feeling and why.
I didn't know about all of these obstacles to start with but have become aware of them over time as God revealed them to me through various Christian traditions and my brothers and my sisters in Christ past and present who were much more advanced in the way of prayer than me.
Anyway I am going to give you a summarized conclusion and then write about some of the milestones/Aha! moments along the way in my journey. By the way I have experiences with God more often now but my relationship with God is not dependent on them. They are gifts of grace for which I am thankful but I don't try to cling to them because I have the Giver who is always present with me. However, I may not feel that presence. But it doesn't matter because I know the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit are here.
Basically, it has been the written/memorized prayers that have revolutionized my prayer life and that God is using to address all of the obstacles above.
Have I arrived? No, definitely not. As the old saying goes, the more you know, the more you know you don't know.
Do I still pray in my own words? Yes, in fact, I can pray much more easily and effectively now because the written/memorized prayers keep me in touch with God long enough to work out my internal knots and they prime the pump so to speak. And actually, I don't think of them as the words of others. They have become my words and they often express what is going on inside, what I am feeling, my hopes, my fears, my aspirations and so on much better than my own words and more in line with God's will.
What about intercessory prayers for others? You all are getting prayed for much more than you used to.
And best of all, God has become more of a present living reality to me and in my life and less of an abstraction.
So if this sounds interesting to you, stay tuned...
Did you know that Jesus thirsts for you and that God desires our prayer times with Him much more than we do?
Friday, March 27, 2015
Prayer is not as easy as we think - For Christ also suffered for sins once ... that he might lead you to God. 1 Peter 3:18
We are exhorted in the Scriptures to pray unceasingly and in everything. And we see many examples of people who prayed continuously. Jesus, Daniel and his friends, the Apostle Paul, David (Look at all his psalms), John, Acts 6 mentions that the apostles were devoting themselves to prayer along with the ministry of the word. Everywhere you look in the Bible people are either praying or being exhorted to pray. Why? Because our relationship with God consists of prayer and we can support each other in our everyday life battles and advance the kingdom of God in prayer.
But let us ask ourselves, how is our prayer life with God, really? I am not trying make anyone or myself feel guilty, let's just be honest. That's really the only way to begin to change is to embrace the truth. About 25+ years ago, I had to ask myself that question because my spirituality or lack thereof wasn't cutting it. Oh, I knew my Bible chapter and verse and my doctrine and theology and I had asked Jesus into my life when I was 20. But I wasn't really talking to God very much and I wasn't really depending on Him that much to handle life. We weren't doing life together. And I couldn't seem to make myself pray. I mean why pray when you can worry!
So I started searching, investigating the various Christian movements, denominations, revivals and so on throughout church history. I was looking for the key that would make Howard pray. When I started I think I was looking for an experience with God that would zap me, revolutionize my prayer life and set me on fire. What I discovered was a way of prayer rather than a spiritual experience. Spiritual experiences are wonderful things but either you have them or you don't and they don't seem to change most people for very long in most cases. Just look in the Scriptures and church history, if you don't believe me. Just look honestly at our own lives.
Back to the way of prayer I discovered and it's not new by the way, it's been around for millennia. Are you ready? They are called written or memorized prayers. They are called psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. And yes, the prayerful reading of Scripture is prayer, God speaking to us. And yes, even the liturgies in churches are prayers. And yes, the Sacraments are prayers and guess what we can live a life of prayer. And there is more, much more.
What's wrong with extemporaneous prayers aka praying in our own words? Absolutely nothing. In fact, we better be praying those too. But if you are like me, I am pretty unimaginative and I am tongue-tied and wound up inside, a bundle of inexpressible feelings. So if I could last 5 minutes, I was doing good! Oh yeah! Not enough! I was going down!
Besides there is one more thing we need to realize is that we have a spiritual mortal enemy of our souls who doesn't want us praying and he and his minions do whatever they can to disrupt our prayers.
Is that a ham and cheese sandwich in the refrigerator that I hear calling my name? I wonder what is on the morning news? Oh man, I am dreading what I have to face today. They are called distractions and temptations and they don't always originate with us.
More later, folks.
But let us ask ourselves, how is our prayer life with God, really? I am not trying make anyone or myself feel guilty, let's just be honest. That's really the only way to begin to change is to embrace the truth. About 25+ years ago, I had to ask myself that question because my spirituality or lack thereof wasn't cutting it. Oh, I knew my Bible chapter and verse and my doctrine and theology and I had asked Jesus into my life when I was 20. But I wasn't really talking to God very much and I wasn't really depending on Him that much to handle life. We weren't doing life together. And I couldn't seem to make myself pray. I mean why pray when you can worry!
So I started searching, investigating the various Christian movements, denominations, revivals and so on throughout church history. I was looking for the key that would make Howard pray. When I started I think I was looking for an experience with God that would zap me, revolutionize my prayer life and set me on fire. What I discovered was a way of prayer rather than a spiritual experience. Spiritual experiences are wonderful things but either you have them or you don't and they don't seem to change most people for very long in most cases. Just look in the Scriptures and church history, if you don't believe me. Just look honestly at our own lives.
Back to the way of prayer I discovered and it's not new by the way, it's been around for millennia. Are you ready? They are called written or memorized prayers. They are called psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. And yes, the prayerful reading of Scripture is prayer, God speaking to us. And yes, even the liturgies in churches are prayers. And yes, the Sacraments are prayers and guess what we can live a life of prayer. And there is more, much more.
What's wrong with extemporaneous prayers aka praying in our own words? Absolutely nothing. In fact, we better be praying those too. But if you are like me, I am pretty unimaginative and I am tongue-tied and wound up inside, a bundle of inexpressible feelings. So if I could last 5 minutes, I was doing good! Oh yeah! Not enough! I was going down!
Besides there is one more thing we need to realize is that we have a spiritual mortal enemy of our souls who doesn't want us praying and he and his minions do whatever they can to disrupt our prayers.
Is that a ham and cheese sandwich in the refrigerator that I hear calling my name? I wonder what is on the morning news? Oh man, I am dreading what I have to face today. They are called distractions and temptations and they don't always originate with us.
More later, folks.
Prayer - For Christ also suffered for sins once ... that he might lead you to God. 1 Peter 3:18
Jesus came and accomplished all He did on earth, including His death, in order to lead us to God. As He says in the following passage,
John 14
1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. 2 In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. 4 Where [I] am going you know the way.” 5Thomas said to him, “Master, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?” 6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. (NABRE - New American Bible Revised Edition)
Jesus says that He has gone to prepare a place for us in the His Father's house
and that we know the way. He is the way. So we need to follow Him to find our way to the Father's house. And how did Jesus stay in touch and in tune with His Father while on earth? Through prayer. In the Gospels we find Him praying frequently. Some passages just say He went off to pray while other passages record His prayers to His Father.
Reading 2 from last Sunday says of Jesus in Hebrews 5.
John 14
1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. 2 In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. 4 Where [I] am going you know the way.” 5Thomas said to him, “Master, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?” 6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. (NABRE - New American Bible Revised Edition)
Jesus says that He has gone to prepare a place for us in the His Father's house
and that we know the way. He is the way. So we need to follow Him to find our way to the Father's house. And how did Jesus stay in touch and in tune with His Father while on earth? Through prayer. In the Gospels we find Him praying frequently. Some passages just say He went off to pray while other passages record His prayers to His Father.
Reading 2 from last Sunday says of Jesus in Hebrews 5.
7 Who in the days of his flesh, with a strong cry and tears, offering up prayers and supplications to him that was able to save him from death, was heard for his reverence.
8 And whereas indeed he was the Son of God, he learned obedience by the things which he suffered:
9 And being consummated, he became, to all that obey him, the cause of eternal salvation.
Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)
Jesus went to His Abba, His Father in prayer and that is what He wants us to do.
And that is what was missing in my life and what I couldn't make myself do with any regularity. And I was running around looking for a daddy who could help me face the scary things of life, trying to fill the void with all kinds of substitutes, even though I believed in God and was a Bible-believing evangelical Christian. And the main reason I was doing this is because prayer is our relationship with the God, the Holy Trinity. As it says in the opening paragraph 2558 of Part Four Christian Prayer in the Catechism of the Catholic Church,
“Great is the mystery of the faith!” The Church professes this mystery in the Apostles’ Creed (Part One) and celebrates it in the sacramental liturgy (Part Two). so that the life of the faithful may be conformed to Christ in the Holy Spirit to the glory of God the Father (Part Three). This mystery, then, requires that the faithful believe in it, that they celebrate it, and that they live from it in a vital and personal relationship with the living and true God. This relationship is prayer.
And I have found and am finding this to be true in my journey with and to God. And God has provided the way into a life of prayer, which is the relationship with Him. God becomes real, rather than ethereal and theoretical, through prayer. And I needed prayers that kept me in prayer and opened me up to God and Him up to me. Jesus gave his disciples and us the Lord's Prayer, or the Our Father in Catholic lingo as one example of basic prayer.
More later... May God bless you and draw you ever deeper into His heart of love.
More later... May God bless you and draw you ever deeper into His heart of love.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
For Christ also suffered for sins once ... that he might lead you to God. 1 Peter 3:18
That is the point of the whole gospel. A restored relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ. We are naturally estranged from God and ignorant of His great love for us and desire for relationship with us. We often think or have thought of Him as our enemy even though we are continuously and restlessly searching for something that will fill our longing, thirsting, hungry souls.
The partial verse above was part of the New Testament reading for this 1st Sunday in Advent. I am a lector (reader) at my parish and this was my assigned reading. So I have been living with the passage for the past week. The full reading is 1 Peter 3:18-22.
How do we come to God? Well, the verse above says that Jesus will lead us to Him. That is why He came and became one of us. Jesus told Thomas in John 14:6, "I am the way and the truth and the life." We come to God by trusting in Jesus and following Him. And there are various access points, means or channels of grace that Jesus has provided for us to enable us to do just that and connect with Him, the Son, as well as the Father and the Holy Spirit.
The access point I wish to write about at this time is prayer and what I have learned in my journey. Stay tuned.
The partial verse above was part of the New Testament reading for this 1st Sunday in Advent. I am a lector (reader) at my parish and this was my assigned reading. So I have been living with the passage for the past week. The full reading is 1 Peter 3:18-22.
How do we come to God? Well, the verse above says that Jesus will lead us to Him. That is why He came and became one of us. Jesus told Thomas in John 14:6, "I am the way and the truth and the life." We come to God by trusting in Jesus and following Him. And there are various access points, means or channels of grace that Jesus has provided for us to enable us to do just that and connect with Him, the Son, as well as the Father and the Holy Spirit.
The access point I wish to write about at this time is prayer and what I have learned in my journey. Stay tuned.
Monday, January 19, 2015
The Roadmap
Here is an edited excerpt from a response I posted on a forum that I participate in.
I am a convert to the Catholic Church after being an evangelical Protestant for 36 years. I was a lay Bible teacher and preacher for many of those years. I was received into the Church in 2010. One of the reasons I became a Catholic was I was looking for a "roadmap" into the heart of God, the Holy Trinity. And I found the roadmap in the Catholic Church. I was looking for results in the form of a growing relationship with the living God and I am finding it happening in me by grace as I follow the roadmap provided by and in the Catholic Church as intended by her founder, Jesus Christ, who loves us and gives Himself for us. Now the journey is a life-long one but now I have the map to keep me close to Jesus along the way.
So what is this map? Well, you are already discovering some of it, the Mass, instruction and encouragement via EWTN and books (including the Bible), sharing with the people on this forum. But there is more, so much more, the rest of the Sacraments, the sacramentals such as prayer cards, paintings, statues, holy water, prayer books, the communion of the saints and more.
Where I really needed help was in the area of prayer. I knew a lot about God through knowing the Bible but I really didn't know how to pray well or for very long. My spiritual imagination was stunted. I was distracted easily. Much of my prayer was unformed and uninformed.
But the disciples had to ask Jesus to teach them to pray and He didn’t seem to think it was a dumb question and so He gave them the “Our Father” ("The Lord’s Prayer" in Protestant circles). Prayer is vital and essential to our spiritual well-being.
In paragraph 2558 of the Catechism, it says, “Great is the mystery of the faith!” The Church professes this mystery in the Apostles’ Creed (Part One) and celebrates it in the sacramental liturgy (Part Two). so that the life of the faithful may be conformed to Christ in the Holy Spirit to the glory of God the Father (Part Three). This mystery, then, requires that the faithful believe in it, that they celebrate it, and that they live from it in a vital and personal relationship with the living and true God. This relationship is prayer.
My search led me to the Catholic Church and I have not been disappointed. In the prayers of the Church, I found a roadmap to a rich prayer life which has centered on the rosary but also includes many other prayers as well.
I am a convert to the Catholic Church after being an evangelical Protestant for 36 years. I was a lay Bible teacher and preacher for many of those years. I was received into the Church in 2010. One of the reasons I became a Catholic was I was looking for a "roadmap" into the heart of God, the Holy Trinity. And I found the roadmap in the Catholic Church. I was looking for results in the form of a growing relationship with the living God and I am finding it happening in me by grace as I follow the roadmap provided by and in the Catholic Church as intended by her founder, Jesus Christ, who loves us and gives Himself for us. Now the journey is a life-long one but now I have the map to keep me close to Jesus along the way.
So what is this map? Well, you are already discovering some of it, the Mass, instruction and encouragement via EWTN and books (including the Bible), sharing with the people on this forum. But there is more, so much more, the rest of the Sacraments, the sacramentals such as prayer cards, paintings, statues, holy water, prayer books, the communion of the saints and more.
Where I really needed help was in the area of prayer. I knew a lot about God through knowing the Bible but I really didn't know how to pray well or for very long. My spiritual imagination was stunted. I was distracted easily. Much of my prayer was unformed and uninformed.
But the disciples had to ask Jesus to teach them to pray and He didn’t seem to think it was a dumb question and so He gave them the “Our Father” ("The Lord’s Prayer" in Protestant circles). Prayer is vital and essential to our spiritual well-being.
In paragraph 2558 of the Catechism, it says, “Great is the mystery of the faith!” The Church professes this mystery in the Apostles’ Creed (Part One) and celebrates it in the sacramental liturgy (Part Two). so that the life of the faithful may be conformed to Christ in the Holy Spirit to the glory of God the Father (Part Three). This mystery, then, requires that the faithful believe in it, that they celebrate it, and that they live from it in a vital and personal relationship with the living and true God. This relationship is prayer.
My search led me to the Catholic Church and I have not been disappointed. In the prayers of the Church, I found a roadmap to a rich prayer life which has centered on the rosary but also includes many other prayers as well.
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